One Last Kiss

During the movie it felt as though they were sitting with a seat between them. Marion had planned on ending what little relationship they had months ago, but the puppy-dog look in Luke’s eyes always managed to keep her around a little while longer. She wasn’t interested in a relationship with anyone with any amount of weight to it, all she needed were friends and confidantes; people to be there for her. She reached a point in her life where the arms of a man held no comfort for her.

Luke had made the unfortunate mistake of buying tickets to a comedy. Neither of them laughed during the film. The palpable tension between them made the funny movie seem sad.

He’d suspected what was coming, but didn’t know when. She knew it was coming, but didn’t know when the courage to do it would be there.

The credits of the film ended. Neither of them had the inclination to rise before then. Luke stood first, shaking his head. “It was….uh…a good movie.”

“Sure.” She didn’t know what to say.

“Mm-hmmmm.” Neither did he.

In the dim light of the theatre, she couldn’t see his eyes through the glasses but could imagine them squinted slightly, in pain.

He led her out to the car, his beat up old stick-shift and opened the door for her, hoping for a hug or even some acknowledgment of his existence. Coldly without realizing it, she got in and shut the door, leaving him in the rain.

Nodding to himself, he walked around the vehicle and got in. He quickly turned the engine over and fled the parking lot as though he had some place to be.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Uh-huh,” she lied.

She took the pause to brush her thick hair from her face. It was wet from the weather and as black as the night. The rain refreshed the smell of her shampoo, filling the car (unbearably so) with her sweet fragrance. With each breath, he filled his lungs with her scent, taking in as much longing for her as oxygen.

He sighed deeply.

“Thanks for taking me to the movie tonight.” Marion was still annoyed that she had to buy her own dinner, but for Luke, even the price of the movie ticket was a step in the right direction.

Too little too late, though.

“No problem.” Perhaps, he thought, if I don’t look at her, things will be okay.
He tried paying extra attention to the road so that he might be able to at least maintain the status quo of their relationship for a day or two.

“I had a good time.”

“Mm-hmmmmm.”

They drove in silence. Marion’s house was another five or ten minutes away, at least. In that time, neither of them could think of much to say. For a full minute, nothing but the occasional sigh broke the silence until it was forever interrupted by a rhythmic thump-thump-thump-thump like a washing machine spinning an off-balanced load.

Luke pulled the car to the side of the road.

One of the tires was flat.

“God…” Viciously throwing the gear shift into neutral, Luke turned to Marion. “Just… Hang out for a minute. I’ll see what I can do.”

Hunching his coat over his head as much as he could, he stepped into the tepid rain. Investigating his side first, he quickly discovered that the flat tire was on her side. Right in front of her window. The rubber was shredded and the work would take him a while.

While he fixed the tire, Marion was given sufficient time to think about him. Staring at him through the rain-spotted window, she realized something about him. She realized that in all the time they’d been together, not once had they spoken about each other. Not once had they ever began a sentence with the words, “I feel…” Never once had he discussed his feelings for her and now she realized that it hurt.

It was no wonder she’d grown cold to men in general. The men she was with were unable to describe to her what being with her meant to them. Never once had Luke illustrated to her why he needed, or even wanted, her. He was the sort of fellow who let things develop on their own, yet didn’t know enough about how any of it developed in the first place to nurture an actual relationship.

Soon, the tire was replaced and he screwed the lug nuts back on.

She stared at the breath escaping his mouth in small, fleeting clouds. He was chilled to the bone, to the soul. With his head hung low, he came around the back of the car with the shredded remains of the old tire, tossing it in the trunk.

His posture drooped even further on his way to the door. She watched him the whole way in the rear-view mirror.

Soaking wet, he got in without a word.

He couldn’t bring himself to start the car. He couldn’t even move his hands to the ignition.
Surprising even to herself, Marion’s courage came to her, starting in the pit of her stomach and welling up like a geyser with a quivering voice, “I can’t… We can’t. We can’t do this, like we’ve been.”

They’d kissed perhaps a dozen times, no more than half of those passionately. They were mostly accidental and, according to Marion, ill-advised. According to Luke, that handful of encounters was the brightest twelve moments in his life.

“We… I can’t,” she continued, “it’s just not possible. I can’t do this anymore. Not now. Not like this.”

“Like what?” The sting hadn’t set into him yet. He was still defiant.

“We’re just friends. That’s all I want to be. That’s all we can be.”

“We’re more than just friends.”

“No, Luke. No we aren’t.”

“What are we then? Am I making this up? I feel it. I feel it in my soul when I kiss you.” He couldn’t think of anything less cheesy to say.

She tried hard not to react.

“We weren’t supposed to be like this. I wasn’t supposed to let this happen.”

“But you did. Doesn’t that mean something?”

She wanted to say she’d felt sorry for him. That wasn’t the actual reason, but she knew that it would hurt to say, “Maybe...Maybe I just felt sorry for you.”

His gaze fell to his lap. Pulling the glasses off his face with one hand, he rubbed the bridge of his nose with the other, hoping to hide his moistened eyes.

“You…” His voice choked with emotion, “you felt sorry for me?”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“You said it.”

“I want to be your friend. Not your lover. That’s the road this is going. I want to stop before
we get that far. Before it gets out of hand.”

“Oh.” He rubbed his eyes, shooing away the tears.

A long silence passed them.

Marion didn’t know what to say. Marion didn’t know what Luke could say.

“I knew it was coming.”

Raising his head back up, it seemed as though he’d taken back some of his dignity but none of his pride.

“I knew it was coming but I just didn’t know when. I knew you didn’t want this. I was stupid. It was all borrowed time and I knew it.”

She could only wonder if he was being disingenuous.

“You could do a lot better than me. I know that.”

“I could do a lot worse than you, Luke.”

“Hmm…”

“It’s not you. I don’t want this. Not with anyone. Not now. Not soon. Maybe not ever.” Those words resonated in his skull and rang in his ears.

Perhaps this would be his last chance.

He leaned in and whispered carefully, “One last kiss…”